Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
