The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
