u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
