like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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