Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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