I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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