Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
