Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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