something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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