im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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