No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
