it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
