i think i have two assholes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
