you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
