And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
