The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
