I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
