ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
