Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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