we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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