I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
