If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
