you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
