Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
