Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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