all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
