Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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