I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Do vagina's smell?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
