There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
