1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
