Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
