I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
