I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she looked like the before picture.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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