dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
