Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
