just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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