I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My penis needs a shock collar
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
