if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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