there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
