sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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