Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
