I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
