is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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