I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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