Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
