I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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