I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Send help, water and tortillas.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
