i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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