Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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