Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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