I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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