I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
