I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
