We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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