remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
