I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
