I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
